Delta Reveals New Mile-High Club Rewards Program

Flight attendants reportedly offered condoms along with pretzels to the rewards club members.

In an announcement last Tuesday, Delta Airlines CEO Ed Bastian revealed the company’s newest rewards program, designed to offer perks reserved exclusively for members of the mile-high club.

The rewards program, which will be joining the company’s existingSky Club, will allow participants to redeem miles logged while balls-deep in fellow passengers, counting travelers’ airplane bathroom bodycounts toward special discounts and travel vouchers.

“We wanted to show our appreciation for our under appreciated mile-high flyers,”said CEO Bastian. “They’re some of our most passionate, determined customers. It’s important we take the time to thank them for flying the skies horny with us.”

Members are slated to receive benefits such as TSA Pre-Check and free check-ups with an on-site airport gynecologist. A titillating in-flight club magazine will also allow regular mile-high travelers to still count miles when unable to find a fellow passenger who’s down.

“Oh, fuck yeah,” said Delta passenger Jeremy Pokeep while bending over the blonde lady from seat 26D. “Oh, fuck yeah,” said Pokeep again, while learning that the program would offer deeply discounted resort stays at DisneyWorld.

At press time, the members were making a mess of the Mile-High Club Lounge.

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