Witnesses have confirmed that McDonald’s worker John Carpenter is “heroically risking his life” while earning $7.25 an hour to avoid being evicted from his apartment.
Sources stated that Carpenter has been working at McDonald’s for a year and earns the least amount of money a company can legally pay him. According to those close to Carpenter, despite the ongoing pandemic, he continues to heroically sacrifice his health to serve people burgers and avoid being kicked into the street.
The McDonald’s front office released a statement commending their work force for continuing to choose to do their widely considered menial job over their own personal safety.
“I truly admire them, they are on the frontlines of the nation’s war on hunger,” said McDonald’s CEO Chris Kempczinski, who is working from home.
“I guess it’s nice people keep thanking me at the window,” said Carpenter while sneezing into his sleeve. “But I wouldn’t be here if I wasn’t afraid of being forcefully removed from my apartment.”
At press time, Amazon workers were seen valiantly delivering packages in order to afford medical care in the future.