Following a semester of persistent daydreams about their English 325 instructor, students in Ed Chime’s essay-writing seminar have reported that they have finally made it into their professor’s living room due to the recent coronavirus-related transition to online classes.
“It’s always been hard to concentrate in Professor Chime’s class,” reported senior Sarah Gold. “Now, the sexual tension is simply unbearable.”
According to the student, the affordances of Zoom had “surpassed all of [her] wildest dreams.”
“I’m bummed I missed my shot with him in person,” admitted student Felicity Derringer of her hunky instructor. “I spent most of my time during lecture dreaming about asking him out, but now I get date night every week.”
Students expressed feelings that their relationships with their professor had progressed to the next level ever since the global pandemic.
“The way I see it, I’m really there with him, sitting and facing him at his living room table as his dreamy eyes stare into mine,” said Derringer, despite the fact that the COVID-19 outbreak had brought them farther apart than ever before.
“It’s like it’s just me and him,” added freshman Sophia Adams. “Sometimes I just mute the call and stare at his lips. This is just like all the times we made eye contact during seminar, except now I’m in our house, and it’s for my private lesson.”
Many students have since stated their disappointment that the fantasy of lounging in the home of their Adonis of an English instructor was rudely interrupted by his wife walking by.