‘Test Scores Aren’t Everything,’ Reports CDC

The CDC reportedly didn’t believe in standardized testing.

As the U.S. surpasses every other nation in the number of confirmed coronavirus cases, the CDC has released a statement reaffirming that “test scores are not everything.”

“There’s more to a healthy nation than what test scores alone can tell you. There’s more to life, you know?” reads the statement, released when the U.S. had 434,114 positive tests, almost three times as many as the next leading country.

“These standardized tests can’t assess what makes each patient unique and special. We can’t allow citizens to base their self-worth on one measly examination.”

“Listen, if you judge a fish based on its ability to climb a tree, it will go its whole life thinking it has coronavirus. Einstein once said that,” said CDC spokeswoman Anne Bell. “It’s our job to make sure every American knows that test scores alone don’t tell the whole story.”

The CDC is reportedly looking into implementing a curve for the tests and allowing retakes for patients who felt that there were circumstances preventing them from doing their best the first time.

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