‘The Plumbing In This House Sucks,’ Reports Man Who Just Took Giant Shit

Michaels blamed the house’s weak water pressure for being unable to clear the colossal dump.

Reports confirm that Abraham Michaels, who clogged a toilet with his ungodly dump, blamed the blockage on sub-par plumbing.

“You guys really need to get some better plumbing,” said Michaels to Rafael Monroe, the friend in whose house Michaels committed the unspeakable act. “The water pressure is just so terrible.”

Despite the toilet’s congestion being the complete and unmistakable fault of Michaels, the unapologetic shitter proceeded to give his friend the name and number of an area plumber.

“I think there’s something wrong with the flush valve,” said Michaels, after filling the toilet with almost an entire foot of his dinner remains. Michaels was seen stuffing the bowl with half a roll of toilet paper in order to cover up the evidence of his untimely explosion.

“I would honestly recommend getting a new toilet altogether — I doubt this one can even flush piss,” said Michaels about the perfectly fine toilet, which has, in its lifetime, been able to swallow everything except for the monstrosity that Michaels produced.

At press time, Michaels pointed out that something in the house smelled terrible, although it likely wasn’t coming from the bathroom.

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