Sources have confirmed that after facing severe budget cuts, Roosevelt Middle School has opted to replace their sexual education course with mandated time on the free online chat site Omegle.
“COVID-19 has hit us hard, and we have had to find more cost-effective alternatives for many of our online courses. We figured that since students are on their computers all day anyways, Omegle would be a great, free option for them to explore the wonders of the human body,” said Principal Staci Miller.
“It’s such a free, engaging, and reciprocal learning environment,” said parent Michael Young. “Just today, I saw my son Patrick take his shirt off in exchange for a glimpse of a stranger’s nipples. I really appreciate how everyone is there to learn from each other.”
“I’ve seen two pairs of honkers today, and it’s only 9am on a Tuesday!” said Patrick, who had already logged over double the required hours for the week.
Other parents, such as mother Diana Perkins, have been less enthusiastic about the change and its lack of clear curriculum: “Omegle is an appalling parade of tits and willies with absolutely no supervision. These kids need more structured penis viewing!”
At press time, Roosevelt Middle School had received a relief check, and used the money to supply students with OnlyFans subscriptions.
