CDC Announces Little Kids’ Heads Way Too Big For Their Bodies

baby's head measured by a tape measurer
The CDC confirmed the head-to-body ratio is “absolutely astronomical.”

Following a recent study, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention announced on Monday that children’s skulls are “way too big” in comparison to the rest of their bodies.

“By and large, we’ve got a bunch of kids who look like idiots with these humungo noggins but these tiny little bodies,” said director of the CDC Robert Redfield, adding “just go out and see for yourself how massive these kids’ heads are.”

The official statement from the agency purportedly outlines“exactly how massive some of these fuckers’ domes are,” along with a blanket statement, inquiring “how crazy are all these bobblehead freaks?”

Redfield further supported the statement with photo examples of numerous children, pointing to examples of “little baby necks that must be doing some crazy work,” specifically referring to an 8-month-old child named Marcus, referring to the child as, “a naked disgusting melon head.”

At press time, the CDC announced that “the whole bighead, tiny body thing, it really makes babies and toddlers look so messed up, all of them.

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