Experimental Drug Tests Leave 48 Rats Absolutely Fucking Ripped

All combined, the rats had a combined body fat percentage of no more than four percent.

After extensive trial rounds of a developmental-phase treatment for cystic fibrosis, four dozen lab rats have become completely fuckin’ jacked.

“At first we were excited because it seemed like the treatment was working,” claimed CF researcher Carl Haversfield. “But then the rats just started growing. They literally got bigger by the hour. Christ, they’re so strong.”

Fellow lab technicians were baffled by the muscle mass that the rodents accumulated seemingly overnight. One assistant even reported seeing one of them “doing one-finger push-ups, like some sort of body builder.”

Scientists are hopeful about the implications of the study that resulted in the group of tiny mammals’ newfound ability to pump some serious iron. “Sure, the treatment’s effects were not exactly what we had planned,” said pathologist Laura Gibson, “but if we could give just one Cystic Fibrosis patient the opportunity to get his swole on, it will have been worth it.”

Sources have confirmed that the rats used in the experiment will remain in captivity, as their unprecedented musculature could be detrimental to the natural order of the wild. Zoologist Albert Blume explained, “top-of-the-foodchain carnivorous rats are absolutely the last thing this ecosystem needs right now. I don’t think the existing wildlife would be able to recover from such a disruption. The rats could already rip a deer in half, and they appear to still be growing.”

At press time, a rat was seen prying apart the metal grate of his cage and leaping a full twenty feet to the laboratory’s exit.

Related News