Local 7-year-old Jimmy Welch used to dread family events because he knew they meant a wet, sloppy mouth kiss from his grandma. Now, with the fear of COVID-19 looming, he has become excited by the prospect.
This past Tuesday, during a trip toGrandma’s condo, family members noted Jimmy’s lack of grimace at the smell of mothballs and lavender perfume that consistently permeates the foyer. He allegedly “waltzed right up to Grandma, untriggered by the scent, and planted a wet one right on her lips,” Jimmy’s sister, Nina, recalled, visibly shaken by the memory. “They made full eye contact during the kiss.”
Prior to entering the building, Jimmy was seen muttering, “It’s payback time” to himself while licking the parking meter out front.
Upon receiving the news that Great Aunt Margaret was going to come over for Sunday dinner, Jimmy could reportedly hardly contain his excitement. “He just started shaking with joy and then downed, like, seven Capris Suns in thirty seconds flat,” said his father, David.
Sources have reported seeing Jimmy up way past his bedtime, staring at himself in the big mirror on the bathroom wall, his face caked with vaseline. He was heard mimicking an old woman’s voice as he spoke to himself. “Oh, look how you’ve grown… What a big, strong boy you are,” he said before leaning in to kiss his own reflection.
At press time, Jimmy was seen attempting to hide a smile after being told Grandma was under the weather.
