New Study Finds 70% Of Libertarians Just Too Scared To Ask What “Senate” Means

Libertarian candidate speaking to crowd
The majority of the projected third-party vote is allegedly only aware of about 80% of Congress.

A new study from the University of Michigan published Monday afternoon found that up to 70 percent of voters planning to support the Libertarian Party were really just too afraid to ask what “Senate” means.

“These voters may claim to believe that ‘taxation is theft’, or that ‘big government is bad’, but in reality, they’re just too embarrassed to admit that they didn’t pay enough attention in high school civics to remember the basic functions of the legislative branch,” said Harris Martin, a researcher involved with the project.

The study also found that 52 percent of the party’s supporters struggled to explain the concept of a Vice President and that only 13 percent of them could name their party’s own nominee.

“I think it’s Greg or something, right? Greg Jackson, is that it?” said one voter, who chose to remain anonymous. “I mean, I’m a little fuzzy on what a presidential candidate is anyways.”

Ben Sleeman, another Libertarian, expressed similar insecurities, saying: “At first I thought the senate was a person, and then there was a while where I thought it might be a building. Now I don’t really know what it is, I just know that I hate it and everything it stands for.”

At press time, Sleeman was seen clearing his browser history after googling “What is government?”

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