The Commission on Presidential Debates hopes that holding the final 2020 presidential debate in the men’s locker room at Belmont University will allow the dark recesses of the candidates’ minds to roam free.
Alfred Morris of the Commission commented positively on the decision made early last week. “We really want the debates to give the voters a true idea of who they are voting for. We want to put the debate in a setting where candidates feel comfortable honestly expressing themselves.”
Reggie Harris, a 38 year old undecided voter from Livonia, MI, expressed support for the move. “I’m going to vote for the guy I can have a beer with. I want to see how they compose themselves in a locker room setting,” said Harris. “The locker room is our natural habitat as men. Our personalities and our bulges burst through our bath towels.”
The Commission has outlined the rules for the debate that have been adjusted in accordance to the new setting. In response to a question from a moderator, a candidate will have 60 seconds to respond. Afterwards, the other candidate will have the option of a 30 second response or an unsolicited rat tail to their opponent’s exposed ass.
“We think both candidates will really thrive in this setting,” said Morris, as he inserted a camera into locker 23. “There will be no suits, no scripts, just boys being boys.”
The debate is scheduled to last 90 minutes and will end when the moderator declares, “Alright, everybody go hit the showers.”