Reports confirm a hastily- assembled group of Resident Advisors has tried out for the Michigan football team as a last resort for access to regular COVID tests.
After multiple dorms reported positive cases in their communities, and with no mandatory testing for Housing staff, some RA’s reportedly lost patience and decided it was time to throw on some helmets and become bona fide athletes.
“We just didn’t know what else to do,” said Sarah Lambert, an RA in South Quad. “And since the football players get tested every day, we figured we’d get on the turf and give it a shot.”
The underdogs reportedly prepared for tryouts by following a strict fitness regimen, attempting to lift and squat their way to University-sponsored healthcare. In addition to the workouts, the RA’s also allegedly screened topical films such as Remember the Titans, Friday Night Lights, and Rudy.
“It wasn’t my first choice to pursue becoming a Division I athlete, but hey, you gotta do what you gotta do to stay healthy,” said Brennan Bates, another RA and now football team hopeful.
University administrators swiftly responded to this plan by restricting access to sports facilities on the RA’s MCards.