Schlissel Asks Regents For Later Bedtime

Schlissel at regents meeting dressed in UofM style pajamas

University of Michigan President Mark Schlissel has reportedly contacted the regents of the university to request a later bedtime.

“It’s so unfair! All the other university presidents get to stay up late. And I don’t even get sleepy when it’s bedtime. I asked for dessert on weekdays and they said no to that too. It makes me so angry!” Schlissel explained in an interview.

Sources confirmed that Schlissel argued his case at the regents meeting this past September with a presentation on Prezi.

When asked to comment, only regent Bernstein had something to say: “Schlissel worked really hard on his presentation, but me and the other regents aren’t sure he is ready. Beyond the budget, Schlissel’s bedtime is one of the things we most closely monitor. I’m not sure what he’d come up with if he had more time to let his mind wander. It’s better for us if things stay as they are.”

A spokesman for the recently formed Coalition to Elect aStudent to the Board of Regents described their feelings. “Yeah the regents are in charge of a lot of stuff, but Schlissel is a pussy for not just keeping his light on and going to bed when he wants.”At press time, Schlissel was planning to ask for student support for his request.

Related News