Students In Northwood Quarantine Housing Divide Into Rival Prison Gangs

Residents of the dorms have since had to fight for their lives on multiple fronts.

Reports are confirming that University students currently in quarantine on North Campus have reportedly split into gangs and begun an intense and violent rivalry while in isolation.

An anonymous source within the quarantine complex has reported that the locked down students have become violent as a result of scarce supplies and uninhabitable conditions. This has spawned numerous spontaneous battles in which students, without warning, “use masks as a slingshot for empty hand sanitizer bottles and cough in each other’s faces.”

Despite the strict rules of the dorms, DPSS officers have been mostly powerless to suppress the groups’ activities. “We just can’t control them,” said Officer Daniel McMann, disheveled and panting. “Any time we get close to them, they just start spitting at us.”

Despite the strict rules for self-isolation on campus, students have found ways to sneak contraband into the building and distribute it to other gang members. Reports indicate that students have been using toilet paper and bottles of water as a form of currency and have built a flourishing economy.

Students in the converted apartments have reportedly marked their gang allegiance by getting homemade tattoos using ink made from soaking the Michigan facemasks in leftover hand sanitizer.

Rumors of a riot have circulated but remain unsubstantiated. Many students have indicated that a mass escape from Northwood is a possibility, but not likely to happen until dorms reach capacity. One student currently in the dorms said, “I give it a week.”

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