University’s New Covid Plan To Include Both Remote And Hybrid Student Funeral Services

A laptop streaming a funeral over Zoom.
The services will reportedly include mournful covers by Michigan Men’s Glee Club.

In response to the steadily increasing number of COVID-19 cases on campus, peaking at almost two hundred last week, the University has announced a new COVID plan, which will include both remote and hybrid options for all student funerals.

“We know that this is a really tough time for our students, and we want to make sure we do all we can to accommodate students’ needs,” commented Provost Susan Collins. “We believe that these options will allow students to grieve their friends and classmates in a way that suits their individual comfort levels.”

“It’s nice to see that the University is finally listening to us,” said senior Ella Nichols. “It’s pretty well understood that people could die as a result of campus being reopened, so it’s a relief to know that they’ve finally got a solid plan in place.”

Concerned parents, including Jodi Fletcher, also weighed in on the new plan. “It’s scary sending your kids back to college, let alone during a pandemic,” said Fletcher. “But it’s comforting to know that the tuition I’m paying is being put to good use and that my children won’t be put at risk when grieving the loss of their friends and confidants.”

The services will reportedly include personalized video eulogies from top university officials, as well as updated Zoom react buttons such as a crying face, thumbs down, and flowers.

At press time, the M Den was seen stocking Michigan-themed urns and caskets.

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