Lava Lamp Replaced With SAD Lamp

Woman reading by sun lamp
The colorful novelty lamp did not allow Moore’s brain to generate enough serotonin as ultraviolet light.

As a result of fewer daylight hours and earlier sunsets, many Americans have recently had to replace their lava lamps with SAD lamps.

“SAD, or seasonal affective disorder, affects millions of people around the country,” claimed Dr. Ilsa Weishart, “and a lot of people have found relief with artificial sunlight lamps, but often at the cost of other novelty lighting.”

Belinda Moore, 27, who “gets seasonal depression like nobody’s business,” described her experience of having to sacrifice her psychedelic light fixture, “it was a tough decision, but I only had one free outlet. My life pretty much depends on my SAD lamp this time of year, so I had to pull the plug.”

Not all seasonal depression sufferers have opted for this route, including Aaron Flynn, 36, who claimed, “the way I see it, I’m gonna be depressed either way, so I might as well have a lamp that looks cool as shit and doesn’t hurt my eyes really bad when I look at it.”

At press time, Moore was considering purchasing a power strip.

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