Report: Memory Foam Mattress Prays For Memory Loss

The cracked bed frame also reported some experiences it would rather forget.

Reports are confirming that local AnnArbor memory foam mattress, Matt, has been hoping for memory loss following a series of unsavory bed occurrences.

After a series of unexpected cat urinations on the mattress, Matt decided to speak up. “Being made of memory foam is fine, but having a memory? The manufacturers didn’t have to do that to me. I hope that when I get older, I start to forget some of the stuff I’ve seen, or at least my owner considers turning me back to the store. No bad memories when I’m bundled up in plastic,” said Matt.

Mattress owner Sydney Burr described concerns over the mattress’ complaints. “At first it was once every couple of weeks, but it’s turning into a daily event. I don’t know what to do. I can’t ‘stop putting my stinky ass’ onto the bed, where am I supposed to sleep?”

Online forums have indicated the prevalence of these concerns to be concentrated in memory foam mattresses that support a recently single person, pets that pee on beds regularly, and people with “exceptionally stinky booties.”

At press time, Serta mattress company was investigating the possibility of eliminating memory from a new line of mattresses after warranty.

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