Squirrels Wage Hunger Strike For No Nut November

a squirrel holding a sign that says "on strike"
The squirrels are striking in solidarity with nut abstainers across the country. \

Sources confirm that local squirrels have embarked on a hunger strike in the hopes of refraining from eating nuts for the entirety of November.

“I always thought that No Nut November was just a dumb thing guys joke about,” said wildlife expert Stephanie Yu. “Based on these squirrels, it seems that it might actually be a natural phenomenon.”

Ross junior Eli Hawkins has expressed appreciation for the squirrels standing in solidarity with his cause. “I’ve been abstaining from nuts since October 31st,” saidHawkins, visibly tense. “To know that I’m not alone in my efforts really reassures me.”

With the local squirrels now losing their cute little fat rolls, members of the local squirrel feeding club have been taking the news particularly hard. “Honestly 2020 has thrown enough at me already,” said club leader Maya Jordan. “Now it’s taken away the one thing that makes me happy. While the squirrels starve, so does my satisfaction.”

A squirrel, who chose to remain anonymous, has reported that he and his friend plan to have “the biggest nut possible” as soon as the month ends.

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