Archaeologists Investigate Area Woman’s Pocket

Female scientist with rubber gloves and lab coat exploring coat pocket
The excavators were seen marveling at a dusty tube of Chapstick found in the crevices of Snyder’s pocket.

Last week, archaeologists in the United States began the long-anticipated archaeological investigation of local teacher Gina Snyder’s coat pocket.

“When we finally got the OK to start digging, our team was thrilled, there’s so many ancient artifacts in there,” reported head archaeologist, Pat Green.

“Snyder had that coat through the entirety of the Twilight saga, and my team is confident we might be able to trace evidence from the turn of the century, we just got word that this coat was a hand-me-down,” Green added.

Coat pockets are well-known for holding useful historical information. While the objects hold significance to many academic scholars, they also stir up controversy among various advocacy groups. Groups question the ethics of removing these antiques from pockets, and various protesters were spotted at the excavation site.

“I always knew my pockets were deep and full of crap. But crap that someone else cares about? That’s news to me. I’m excited that my CVS receipt means something,” stated Snyder.

At press time, directors of the National Archaeological Museum of Naples and the Kelsey Museum of Archaeology were bargaining with excavators to acquire the objects.

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