University of Michigan junior Joseph Hughes was dismayed this week to find that he and the demon under the bed in his new apartment seem to be highly incompatible roommates.
“I think part of the issue is that we didn’t really go over the basic expectations before I moved in,” explained Hughes. “Of course, I didn’t even know he was here until my first night when he grabbed my feet while I was sleeping, but it would’ve been nice to be able to review sleeping habits, rules for having girls over, and stuff like that.”
“He’s such a slob,” Abezethibou, the demon, claimed from underneath the bed. “It drives me insane. Like I’ll poke my head out to turn someone’s heart into stone or something and there’s shit everywhere. Dirty laundry, takeout containers. It’s just gross.”
Both bunkmates have shared concerns about other aspects of living together, including Joseph’s chronic snoring and Abezethibou’s alleged habit of borrowing clothing without asking. Sources have confirmed that the two have been “shit-talking each other like crazy” to their friends.
At press time, the fallen angel was seen proudly wearing one of Joseph’s favorite flannels.