Christmas Popcorn Tin No Match For Stoned, Malnourished College Student

Andrews was seen trying to suck stray kernels out from between his teeth after realizing he did not own floss.

Reports are confirming that a festive tin of flavored popcorn is quickly being consumed by underfed, stoner college student Wesley Andrews.

“My Aunt Vicky sends one of these over every year, and boy am I happy to have it. I haven’t had a real meal since Thanksgiving, but this should keep me going for the next few days,” Andrews commented while firing up his dab pen for his morning puff.

“Since classes have ended, I have a lot more time on my hands, which I pretty much just spend smoking weed and watching Gilmore Girls. Lorelai is such a firecracker,” he continued, eyes glazed over and elbow deep in the bucket of flavor coated kernels. “And they’re always eating such tasty looking snacks, I’m glad I can finally join in on the fun.”

“Honestly this is the most well seasoned food I’ve had since I’ve been back on campus. And don’t even get me started on the variety, once I’ve had enough of the cheese, the plain is a perfect palate cleanser before the caramel,” Andrews said while taking a brief intermission to suck the cheese dust from his digits.

At press time, Andrews had allegedly reached the bottom of the barrel after only 20 minutes and was seen drifting off into a popcorn induced coma.

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