Pfizer Announces Santa Elves Not Eligible For First Round Of Vaccines

Doctor in a conversation with Santa Claus

The American pharmaceutical company Pfizer recently announced that Santa’s entire network of Christmas elves would not be eligible for the first few rounds of vaccines available to the public.

Pfizer spokesperson Keith Jorgenson said in a statement, “While Dr. Anthony Fauci did publicly acknowledge that Santa is immune to the COVID-19 virus, the elves, on the other hand, are very much vulnerable.” However, Jorgenson went on to say,“Despite their smaller and jollier stature, the shortage of available vaccines cannot cover the sheer volume of elves in the workshop.”

The spokesperson noted that this shortage is problematic because in order to meet the tight schedule he has set for this holiday season, Santa cannot afford any disruptions in his workshop. The work must go on.

“Unfortunately, there will be some elves who will not be in jolly spirits this Christmas,” Jorgenson conceded.

Alabaster Jolly Snowball, a representative from the North Pole, said, “We believe that most of Santa’s magical elves fall into the low-risk category and don’t want to dim the Christmas spirit. But, the North Pole Health Department and ICU are preparing for some casualties.”

Jorgenson also added that after a breakout during reindeer games, Pfizer was “considering” early vaccinations for the nine reindeer in Santa’s sleigh team.

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