Spotify Wrapped Prompts Listeners To Create New Year’s Resolutions To Develop Better Taste In Music

someone holding a smartphone (with spotify logo) in their hand, headphones in their eats
When user #984537 realized they were in the top 0.05% of listeners, they knew something had to change.

Across the country, Spotify web player is once again reminding listeners of all demographics that they have “absolute shit taste in music,” resulting in the vast majority of American listeners resolving to start listening to new, better songs in the new year.

“It was really sobering,” said Spotify user Jackie08. “I did not realize that I went through my Hollywood Undead phase just this past April. It felt like years ago. I’ve changed, I’ve grown so much. But Spotify keeps me humble. It reminds me of the sins of my past.”

“I figured that my Top Song would be, like, Kendrick or something,” user #984537 reported. “It turns out I listened to the Pokemon theme song for 237 collective hours. I mean, I know it slaps like a mad housewife, but damn, I need to calm down or something.”

Some listeners of the popular streaming service were shocked to find that their “wrapped” playlist prominently featured music groups with which they were completely unfamiliar.

“I literally don’t even know most of my top five artists,” added user xXxVanessaxXx. “Like, I recognize Blink-182, but who the fuck is Lustra and why have I listened to them for 400 hours?”

Spotify users across the country were last seen hesitantly bobbing their heads to Revolution 9 by The Beatles.

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