What with the impending destruction of western civilization, it’s high time to start talking about the Lovecraftian Horrors that we find particularly photogenic!
- Abhoth, Source of Uncleanliness
If this incomprehensible mass of miscreation and abomination doesn’t make you bleed out of every orifice you have, nothing will! Abhoth is often considered as the father of all things unholy, and has brought about the unsightly creation of all manner of walking abortions. It is said that no two spawns of Abhoth are exactly alike, with the exception that every single one of them desperately claws its way against the gray, abhorrent mass that is its parent in a panicked attempt to die of natural causes before they can be devoured by the several rotting maws that call Abhoth’s body their home. Talk about nron Grah’h Ynh!
- Nyarlathotep, The Crawling Chaos
This spawn of Azathoth himself has one thousand forms, and every single one of them will drive mortals to feral insanity. Now that’s consistency! In addition to spreading the screams of nightmare everywhere he goes, Nyarlathotep is the proud progenitor of One Million Favored Ones, making him one of the only Outer Gods that’s also a total family man! The Black Pharaoh’s achievements don’t stop there, however: Nyarlathotep is still included in all manner of contemporary comics, films, and literature! You know what they say: legends never die, especially when they are timeless and immortal!
- Yog-Sothoth, Opener of the Way
You don’t get a name like “The All-In-One and One-In-All” unless you’re a pretty big deal. This conglomerate of radiant orbs knows and sees all, and – unlike some of the other Old Ones – is physically locked out of the universe. All that is and ever will be is like a little snow globe to him! Not only does he know where the Old Ones trod earth’s fields, but he’s also the proud daddy of quite a few of them, including Cthulu, Hastur the Unspeakable, and a man named Wilbur Whateley from Dunwich, Massachusetts.
- Lu-Kthu, the Birth-Womb of the Great Old Ones
Back up, y’all! Big boy, coming through! This planet-sized progenitor looks as though it’s composed entirely of entrails and organs. If you want to get on better terms with this Outer God, you’ll notice that it’s actually a moist, warty globe, covered with a network of long, narrow cobwebbed tunnels and innumerable ovoid pustules. These aren’t just for show, though: each of those pustules is actually the larvae of a Great Old One that’s just waiting to hatch! Lu-Kthu is just like a little bird’s nest, only incomprehensibly large and malevolent!
- Azathoth, The Blind Idiot God
How could we not include the Sleeping Chaos himself? This entity is formless, endless, and all-powerful. Azathoth spends most of his time floating through chambers of darkness beyond the confines of time and space, fast asleep. Hopefully this beauty nap lasts a while: all known reality is just a dream of the boundless daemon sultan! If he wakes up, that’s it! Luckily, his name is associated with primal horror, so mortals try not to say it too loudly. Even if someone speaks it, chances are good that Azathoth won’t hear anything over the muffled, maddening beating of vile drums and the thin monotonous whine of accursed flutes. Truly a lullaby fit for the Nuclear Chaos from beyond!
- Shupniikurat, The Black Goat of the Woods With a Thousand Young
We finish our list with the All-Mother and Lord of the Woods: girl power! This big mama is a perverse deity of fertility, and she often appears as a grotesque cloud of darkness. Not only is she tall, dark, and handsome, but she comes complete with slime-dripping mouths and writhing goat legs. Not only that, but something in her non-euclidean body produces milk that mutates anybody who drinks it! No wonder Shupniikurat is one of the most commonly worshipped Outer Gods in the Necronomicon: I mean, just look at those tentacles! Could she be more Igtag’n?