Anthropologists Announce New Species Of Human Called Zoomo Sapien

The new species allegedly only responds to stimuli after being asked “Is your mic on?”

The American Anthropological Association has announced that the human race has evolved into a new species called Zoomo sapien, referring to the detrimental effects of working from home.

“The features that distinguish this species from the previous Homo sapiens are very distinct,” remarked chief researcher Dr. Alex Baker, “there is, of course, the swollen hump on the shoulders, the weak and brittle hips and legs, the drooping, painfully bloodshot eyes, and the unprecedented fear of social interaction.”

“I wish I could say I was surprised,” commented Dr. Nancy Hughes, one of the nation’s leading anthropologists, “but that’s what happens when you spend most of your waking hours sitting and staring at yourself on your computer screen.”

Despite a few commonalities, not every person has been found to exhibit the exact same characteristics. According to Baker, “There are plenty of people who aren’t working from home and might not look that different from Homo sapiens. But everyone, no matter what, has an aversion to face masks.”

When reached for comment, area Zoomo sapien Lee Stanson was reportedly mute, due to the fact that he has not spoken to anyone since he got laid off four months ago.

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