Governor Whitmer Restricts Travel From Your Ex’s House

Gretchen Whitmer speaking at podium
While the move could be temporary, friends are convinced it will have to be permanent if it is to have any sort of effect.

Governor Gretchen Whitmer announced this week that for reasons of personal and public safety, she would be banning all travel to your ex’s house.

“It’s in everyone’s best interest that we implement these restrictions so that we can disrupt these destructive habits,” said the governor in a statement. “In these trying times, we need to make decisions for the good of ourselves and others. Unfortunately, some of us have continued to make poor decisions, specifically, you.”

“I feel this is in the interest of public health because when you start hanging with your ex, you become really annoying, and everyone around you is worse off for it,” said the governor.

Your friends have shown firm support for the governor’s decision.

“Every time you bring him around, he is such a dick, and when we tell you that, you just defend him,” said your friend Stephanie. “I am glad the governor is taking this step because you are just the worst people together. Someone needs to set you straight, and hopefully the governor can succeed where we failed.”

Whether the order will prove effective remains to be seen. The only thing for certain is nothing else has worked so far.

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