Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos is reportedly stepping down from his post at Amazon in order to become the company’s executive chairman, paving the way for what he calls a “younger, brighter, and much balder” leader of the global corporation.
Headhunters have reportedly had a very easy time finding a bald replacement, as the heads for which they are hunting are generally the most reflective and shiny.
The company reports that the search for a balder man has been underway for some months now. “We just really want to make sure that we take the time to find a perfect, clean, shiny new head — both of the company and of the CEO himself,” reported one spokesperson.
According to another spokesman for the international retailer, candidates for the job must be “total chrome-domes, or something close.” The spokesman added that applicants who wear wigs “will not be considered.”
“I’m looking for someone whose baldness is unmatched,” explained Mr. Bezos in a press release. “I want a person so bald you can practically see their skull. If I’m going to step down, I need to make sure this company doesn’t go to shit because of some hair- having asshole.”
At press time, Jeff Bezos was seen donning sunglasses before admiring his reflection om the mirror.