Studies out of New York University suggest that the “inherent sex appeal and badass nature” of revolutionary actions have been significantly diminished by the participation of Republicans.
“It’s really fascinating from a sociological standpoint,” head researcher Dr. Brian Coolidge noted. “Revolting against the powers that be – especially against the US government – has always been considered really cool and sexy. But now that we’ve seen a bunch of soccer moms and ROTC dropouts actually put it into practice by taking over the Capitol Building, it’s just fundamentally not as dope as it used to be.”
“I guess I always thought it would be like The Hunger Games,” said self- proclaimed rebel Nancy James. “But instead of Katniss Everdeen, we just had some white dude dressed as a viking. I figured there would be more, like, teenagers wearing gas masks? Or at least adults who are sexy, but in like a gritty, blue-collar way.”
“We were all talking about how we were going to overthrow the government,” added local Bernie supporter Sam Harris. “But I thought it was gonna be more like setting up guillotines on the White House steps. Instead, Reddit is destroying the world market, and there’s a bunch of doge memes about it. It’s just really underwhelming, I guess.”
At press time, Dr. Coolidge of NYU was seen photoshopping leather fetish gear onto images of the rioters to see if it would “fix it at all.”