Conservative Lawmakers Propose Bill For Fifteen Dollar Maximum Wage

Conservative Lawmakers
"Maybe we should lower it to thirteen, actually," argued more extreme lawmakers.

Republican Senate leaders proposed a bill Thursday morning that would cap wages for hourly workers at just fifteen dollars per hour.

Citing the recent economic downturn, Minority Leader Mitch McConnell noted that “corporations are struggling more than ever,” before suggesting that “the financial leaders of America can no longer afford such luxuries as paying their workers the bare minimum.”

Senate Minority Whip John Thune also spoke on the issue, noting that the maximum wage would “actually be very beneficial to the American worker,” reasoning that “the money saved from paying workers less was bound to trickle right back down to the workers.”

However, Senator Thune quickly clarified that the maximum wage would also apply to employment benefits such as healthcare and disability insurance. “Times are tough,” Thune concluded, “so we’re all going to have to start cutting back on little indulgences like visiting the doctor, or making rent on time.”

At press time, the senators were discussing the possibility of a flat rate “stimulus tax” to support their upcoming pay raise.

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