Local Student Using Wellness Break To Catch Up On Existential Thoughts

A sad looking college student sitting on some steps looking dreadful.

The University’s second and final wellness break scheduled for Tuesday, March 23 has students already making plans for how to spend a whole 24 hours with no additional work.

LSA sophomore Matt Theilen explained that he’s using the wellness break to, “finally focus on all this existential dread,” that he was “too busy” to think about during the semester. Theilen explained one of the benefits of his wellness break saying, “it’s not enough of a pause to help you destress, but it’s just enough time to add stress by being alone with your thoughts.”

Theilen said he wants to “thank the University” for the opportunities and experiences the break brought him. “Normally, I’m so swamped with work that I constantly forget that all life ends in death and we are all slowly marching toward the grave, but this break really helped me remember we are all alone in this life.” 

“Usually, I never see Matt leave his room because he’s so busy” said Josh Kelley, Theilen’s roommate. “The decrease in workload lets him just unwind, watch TV, and start thinking about how one day he will cease to exist, and that he’s wasting his precious time solving fucking math problems.” Kelley said it was “good to have the old Matt back.”

At press time, Matt was seen flipping between the Bible and his differential equations textbook looking for answers.

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