Marc Rowland, 21, was reportedly “extremely relieved” at his recent positive COVID test after receiving what he called “the worst cut of his life” from a local GreatClips.
The issue was first called to Rowland’s attention when he was unable to smell the GreatClips shampoo — around the same time he had heard his barber mutter “oops,” then ask him what his opinion on “asymmetry” was.
Rowland was reportedly overjoyed when he received the order to quarantine at home for ten days and not see anyone. “Really?” he said, upon receiving a call from the health department. “That’s fantastic — I mean, scary, wow. Yeah, super scary.”
Rowland was later pressed for comment on the situation at hand. “My lungs might take a hit,” he admitted, “but at least my reputation as the guy with fantastic hair won’t.”
Rowland was last seen putting tape over his webcam during his 10 a.m. Zoom meeting and pretending it was broken.