Well, you have me stumped. You are definitely the most messed-up patient I have, just looking at sheer quantity of problems. I’m fresh out of ideas. Let’s see, um, maybe you should get a cat.
Yeah, that should do it. I’m looking at my list of things to try, and there’s a checkmark by every single one. We tried cognitive behavioral therapy, exposure therapy, journaling, meditation, yoga, adult coloring books, mindfulness apps, scented bath bombs, dark chocolate, and every SSRI on the roster. They never really trained us for this, you know?
You could get a really cute one, though! A little grey one from the local rescue, and you could name it “Bloo,” like “Blue,” but with two O’s instead. Wouldn’t that be funny? And you guys could be friends! And you’d have to feed it, of course, and hey — that could be a reason to get out of bed! He could sit on your lap and do that little head snuggle thing and you would feel better for sure. Oh, and they have such cute little paws!
I really think this is the right idea. Well, it’s the only idea I have left, anyway.