Luxury electric car company Tesla has reportedly released a new male performance-enhancing drug under the name “Elongate.”
The performance enhancer is advertised to men who “need a little charging up.” Tesla’s website claims that the drug extends both the physical length of the penis and the duration of the erection and transports its users “from flaccid to hard in as little as 3.5 seconds.”
The drug bears the name of Tesla CEO Elon Musk, which designers say was a conscious decision.
“Elon Musk is associated with raw, unadulterated, wet, throbbing sex appeal,” said Tesla marketing director Jason Adams. “We want men to feel powerful while they’re using our boner pill, and Elon Musk is the best man for the job.”
The launch has been successful thus far, and many are praising Elongate as a miracle drug. Researchers at Tesla say that the drug has the potential to extend the length of a penis by three inches if used correctly.
“No one who has seen your penis on Elongate will question your dick size ever again,” said Tesla scientist Allen Barrow. “Legally, we cannot speak for those who have not seen your penis.”
While some are questioning Tesla’s decision to expand to male performance enhancers, many within the company are saying they aren’t surprised. “It feels natural to branch out into male performance enhancers,” said Tesla executive Angela Spindle. “Tesla is the champion of EV, and I think we can become the champion of ED too.”
At press time, Tesla executives said that developing a male performance enhancer has been a long time coming.
