GOP Rebrands As Party Of Those Who Grew Up With Treehouses

A photo of Mitch McConnell next to a photo of a treehouse.
The party has committed to advocating for log cabin values in a jungle gym country

The United States GOP sent shockwaves across the media this weekend with their announcement that they are implementing a rebrand, now under the moniker, “The Party of Those Who GrewUp With Treehouses.”

“The Republican party in this country is incredibly diverse,” said spokeswoman Linda Kaines. “But there is one thing that we all have in common, and we’d like to begin a new unification effort by concentrating on our similarities. Namely, we all grew up with a treehouse in our backyards.”

The change arrives after many summits between prominent GOP leaders, including Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell and Senator Ted Cruz. Both Congress members went on record stating the party’s future is “built in our affluent childhood backyards.”

Ted Cruz was later seen at a pro-treehouse rally, energizing the public with talks of “good old-fashioned, treehouse values” and stories of his father building a treehouse while teaching him about the evils of a socialist government. Later, he loudly proclaimed that “liberals couldn’t tell an oak treehouse from a common maple if it stared them in the face!”

At press time, the party’s PR team was considering extending its platform to include those with full-size trampolines.

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