Local police detective John Thompson reported this week to colleagues that he “thought [he’d] seen it all” until encountering his newest case: a quadruple homicide which some have described as “especially heinous.”
Thompson’s statement was delivered after the experienced investigator arrived at the crime scene Saturday morning. Upon viewing the murder victims’ severed limbs, Thompson declared, “Jesus Christ, I’ve never seen anything like it.”
Despite his thirty years of experience, Thompson reportedly reacted to his latest assignment “as if it were his first day on the job.” Witnesses have stated the detective could be seen shaking his head “as if in disbelief” when crime scene technicians recovered an additional fifth corpse.
“The man’s been with me for decades,” said Police Chief Lance Buggins, “But you’d think this guy was a newbie by how he acted at that bloodbath. He could barely keep down his three daily cups of black coffee.”
At press time, Thompson was seen smoking cigarettes in an alley while muttering about “how this city’s gone to Hell.”