Report: Kids In Talent Show Actually Think They’re Good

A group of young kids on a stage wearing ridiculous costumes

The audience of a local elementary school talent show were reportedly horrified when they came to the collective
realization that the young performers actually thought they were talented.

“Man, I thought it was all a joke,” said parent Lucile Florian. “I thought, ‘there’s no way the kid who’s just jumping on a pogo stick while Miley Cyrus played in the background is serious,’ but then I realized how stoic he looked. I don’t think he was joking.”

As eight-year-old Jack Pyler performed a dance that he appeared to be making up as he went along, parents realized too late that the act was not intentionally comedic.

School principal Sarah Cooley reportedly left the building after fifth-grader Maggie Lewis gave a mumble-filled rendition of Adele’s “Rolling In The Deep.”

“I thought we were here to see our children perform some actual talents,” commented Daniel Schulster, parent of Zach Schulster, who told knock- knock jokes straight from the joke book for two minutes. “But I think one of the kids’ talents was literally just ‘Security Guard.’”


After the show, the children all received a small trophy and a gift certificate for a free Wendy’s Frosty.

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