This past Tuesday, junior Sophie Mills was reportedly “feeling pretty badass” until her stomach started to hurt a little.
“I had just aced my final, and I was planning to go to the gym later,” said Mills. “I even sat down to get a head start on my homework for next week and started to think about running for a leadership position for one of the student orgs I’m in.
But everything changed when I started to feel a little soreness in my abdomen. I kind of just wanted to lie down and do nothing after that.”
Mills’ night was further derailed when she spent 45 minutes attempting to identify the root of her stomach pain.
“It could have been something I ate, cramps, anxiety, COVID, cancer, maybe I’m pregnant, I worked out
my abs too hard, my pants are too tight, constipation, a slight lactose intolerance, about to die, lack of sleep — anything,” said Mills. “I’m wondering if it was because I don’t eat enough fiber. Or should I be eating less fiber?”
Mills was previously feeling excited for “hot girl summer,” but she now worries that her stomach issues will get in the way.
“I was so ready to be vaccinated in time for summer, but now I just don’t know if I’m ready to fully re-enter society,” said Mills. “I always forget that my whole day is at the mercy of my tummy.”
At press time, Mills was refusing to let her stomach problems get the best of her, tweeting out “only bad bitches throw up a little bit.”