The CDC has announced that all Americans who have correctly complied with COVID safety protocols will be rewarded with a pizza party at the end of May, the projected date for vaccine proliferation.
Reports indicate that the agency intends for this reward to be contingent on the nation’s good behavior during the remainder of the pandemic. Because the nation’s help is vital to controlling the spread of COVID, the CDC chose the incentive of a pizza party to ensure compliance with public health guidelines.
“We want to reward you guys with this pizza party. But if you all don’t behave, we might have to stay inside for three months again,” announced CDC officials. “Wouldn’t it be easier to quarantine now so you can go outside and play during the summer?”
Governors and Mayors across the country have applauded the effort. Michigan Governor Gretchen Whitmer said in a statement that she was “happy to no longer flip [her] state’s behavior card from ‘green’ to ‘yellow’ or ‘red.’”
Potential recipients are also reportedly looking forward to getting stickers for not crying when they get both doses of the vaccine.