Witnesses have reported rumors that 23-year-old Sarah Wang’s boyfriend definitely learned his 7-step skin care regimen from his ex- girlfriend.
“When I spent the night at Jared’s place for the first time, I felt my heart drop into my stomach,” said Sarah. “I was expecting maybe a bar of Dove soap, but he had at least fifteen different skin products stashed in his medicine cabinet— there’s no way he found all that on his own.”
Sources report that in addition to a La Roche-Posay gentle foaming cleanser, Jared’s skincare collection included toner, vitamin e oil, and “at least 4 different sample-size lotions that must be from that old bitch’s last Sephora trip.”
“If he even uses more than one product, that’s an immediate red flag,” added Kenna Wright, a friend of Sarah’s. “My ex was using Dawn dish soap on his face before I started dating him.”
However, Sarah says that the true “nail in the coffin” was when she found Jared’s daily sunscreen.
“They must’ve been really serious if she cared about his long-term sun damage,” commented Sarah through stifled sobs. “No man just discovers Super Goop on his own.”
At press time, Jared was overheard trying to convince Sarah that his Estee Lauder diamond cream was from “his mom.”