Depressed New Yorker Drinking To Fuhgedaboutit

Man in a park drinking beer out of a paper bag.
Pescatoni allegedly considered having a smoke so he’d “stop feelin’ like he’s so buggin’.”

The Young Boy from the Bronx Vinnie Pescatoni has recently claimed that he’s started drinking every night to “fuhgedaboutit.”  

“I know I’m walkin’ here, but it feels like no one can see meh,” stated Pescatoni. “It’s like I’m a Red Sox fan or somethin’.”

“He’s been leaving the family spaghetti night at 7 the last couple of weeks. We’re barely starting then!” reported Pescatoni’s mother, Carmela Pescatoni.

Eyewitnesses claim that Vinnie, a man who has lived in NY for 47 years, was taking a tour of the Statue Of Liberty.

“Yea, Vinnie. He’s a good guy. He’s just going through a rough patch, ya feel?” stated Vinnie’s favorite deli owner, Frankie Benedico. “Other day I saw him paying for a picture with Elmo in Times Square. He needs some serious help.”

Around press time, Vinnie had been seen trying to share a beer with a monkey at the Bronx Zoo.

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