Wildlife enthusiasts across Ann Arbor have reported sightings of a “herd of sneakers” that appear to be resting on telephone wires across campus.
“They are able to perch on the wires for long periods of time without food or water,” reported environmentalist Margaret Farson. “If they’re wrapped around the wire more than once, it means they’re sleeping.”
Farson claims that their presence is a bad sign, stating that “around this time of year, sneakers are supposed to begin heading south. If the sneakers don’t begin to migrate soon, it’s going to be bad for their species.”
“It’s truly incredible to see these amazing creatures so close! I’ve never seen this many at once!” stated wildlife enthusiast Francis Robinson. “Nature is so beautiful.”
People have sighted the species Nike Swooshius near East Quad, Airforces Onus on State Street, and even the endangered Conversus Allstarus near the Michigan Theater.
Around press time, several wire technicians were seen removing the injured shoes from the wire to be cared for by veterinarians.