Stoner Housemate Won’t Stop Talking About Hands

Woman in chair looking at hands
Schmidt began describing her hands by allegedly saying “Whoaaa, check these out!”

Reports confirm that area stoner Donna Schmidt would not stop talking about her hands after several bong rips this past Friday night.

After settling into her nightly couch slump, Schmidt began a thorough examination of her paws. “It’s just so crazy how everything is all connected.”

She allegedly proceeded to give herself a comprehensive massage of her mitts, lamenting the whole time about the plight of her palms. “They just go through so much: washing, picking, flicking, sucking, fucking, everything. And what do we do in return? Complain when they hurt. We have to take better care of ourselves, you know what I mean dude?”

Schmidt’s roommates reportedly “aren’t weirded out anymore” by her ritual hand massages and associated musing.

“It’s pretty much every night now that she talks about the veins and the folds and the nails and how delicate it all is,” remarked housemate Jane Black.

“You know, I never really considered my hands until I started hanging out with Donna,” commented another housemate, Natalie Rosen. “To be honest, I still haven’t thought about them much. She’s not very convincing.”

At press time, the stoneress had fallen asleep midway through writing a poem about her left thumb.

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