Student Dodging Diag Solicitors Like She In Obstacle Course

Photoshopped woman doing backflip on college campus surrounded by solicitors
Lawrence was able to dodge solicitors even as they followed closely behind her like relay track runners.

Student Dianne Lawrence was walking to her Chemistry discussion class Wednesday, when she entered the Diag to see a wide array of people handing out “God-knows-what” on the Diag.

Witnesses report that as Lawrence saw that she was about to make eye contact with a “Bible-thumper” handing out copies of the New Testament, she performed a quick pirouette and successfully avoided the interaction.

When a table of students promoting some sort of study abroad program appeared in her way, passersby noticed Lawrence drop to the ground and “crab walk” under the table in order to remain unseen by the group.

Sources claim Lawrence was seen walking faster in order to make it to East Hall on time, performing a backflip over a group of sorority girls after accidentally locking eyes with a hungry recruitment chair.

“She got a running start, did three flips on a tree branch before sticking the landing and speeding to class,” reported Sheila Wratt, who was on the Diag trying to register voters. “It was honestly impressive.”

Judges in the Diag rated Lawrence’s obstacle course an 7.5 on execution, but a 10 on commitment.

Related News