University Allows Astral Projection As Remote Learning Option

Photoshopped holographic student sitting in lecture hall among many real students
The new policy is estimated to cost 350 crystals per student.

Recent reports state that the University of Michigan is allowing students to astral project to class instead of using Zoom for remote learning.

“The safety of our students is our first priority,” said President Mark Schlissel in a statement. “Our second priority is the cultural and religious diversity of our students on campus.”

This new method of coming to class has been met with highly positive reactions.

“I hate having to walk to class, so I love having the option to attend with my metaphysical form,” claimed student Lori Smith. “I just have to dodge the higher-dimensional beings attempting to steal my consciousness and boom, I’m in class.”

“It was a pain at first to buy all of the clear quartz crystals and black candles required to do the ritual,” commented student Jack Stein, “but once it was arranged in the correct formation, I realized how much easier it would be than taking the bus!”

“The internet at my apartment is really shoddy sometimes, so having this is a nice alternative,” noted student Sarah Payne. “I just wish there weren’t so many foreign entities pretending to be lost distant relatives in the astral realm.”

At press time, students were not seen.

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