Reports are confirming that, due to a lack of new ways to make fun of people, local bully and rabble-rouser Jude Lester has been asking everyone their blood types.
“Look, I’m just really curious, all right? I’m asking for the sake of asking. I know it’s not important in the grand scheme of things, but still, I really want to know,” said Lester, after his question was met with skepticism from friends and fellow bullies.
Despite his claims of innocent curiosity, reports confirm that after one of Lester’s friends informed him that she had O-negative blood, Lester burst out in an “uncontrollable laughing fit.”
“Hah! O-negative? What the fuck?” Lester allegedly said. “Good luck getting a blood transfusion, loser!”
Other members of Lester’s gang allege that Lester will “make fun of people for anything, even things that no one can control, like their blood types.”
Lacking any meaningful reasons to harass his friends, Lester allegedly turned to Punnett squares of certain genetic traits. Lester then reportedly used the squares to make fun of homozygous traits, which he called “boring.”
At press time, Lester was seen asking whether or not everyone has attached or detached earlobes.
