Recently, the International Olympics Committee (IOC) approved the 10-meter stroll as a new event for the 2024 Paris Olympics as a part of a new measure to make sports more relatable.
“Most of us viewers have a hard time hopping out of bed,” average Olympics viewer Keegan Shepherd complained. “Why would I want to watch someone jumping over a two and a half meter pole? This new event makes a lot more sense. Hell, I might even be able to train for it.”
A comprehensive report from the IOC details how 10 meters was found to be the average distance from the living room couch to the kitchen, as well as the average distance from a bed to the nearest bathroom.
Thomas Bach, current IOC President reported in his statement, “It’s crucial that we cater some events to the minimal effort crowd. We don’t want to be seen as hosting an exclusive event for only the fastest and strongest.” Bach added that there was to be “absolutely no hustling whatsoever” and that “detours through other lanes and events encouraged.”
Alternative proposed events include “finding a television remote under an intricately set-up couch with increasing amounts of cushions per round,” and “hitting the snooze button as quickly as possible after a short night’s sleep.”
As a result of the new sport, Team USA is anticipating their most competitive tryout pool for any event in Olympic history.