Report: Area Woman Pinned To Inside Of Turtleneck Tube

A woman stuck in a giant turtle neck
Sweeney had been asking roommates to “initiate the turtleneck extraction protocol.”

Reports have confirmed that student Abby Sweeney has been pinned to the inside of her turtleneck after she tried removing the garment while keeping her glasses on.

“I just came home from a long day of class and was so eager to change into my comfies that I just went for it and pulled my turtleneck over my head. But because of my glasses, it was too tight and I couldn’t pull the tube all the way off,” Sweeney described from inside the tube.

“But I can’t give up now, I can’t
be trapped in this tight-fitting
hellhole on the rest of my torso,”
she commented with flailing

“I’m afraid if I keep pulling it over my head, my glasses will break. I have a midterm tomorrow and no backup pairs. This cannot be happening,” she continued, muffled and agitated.

“When I heard the grunts and wails coming from her room, thought she was working out or getting some action. Turns out she was just trapped in a cage of cashmere,” remarked Sweeney’s housemate Eric Deng.

At press time, Sweeney was seen taking a juice break.

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