I Told You There Wasn’t A Hidden Bookshelf

What is wrong with you? Did you think that, out of all the places for there to be a hidden bookshelf, the area district library was the most likely location?

I don’t care if you saw “Raiders of the Lost Ark” and “knew what was up with this place.” I don’t want you making a ruckus in my library over what you claim “could be like ‘National Treasure’ but with real books.” And yes, I do know what “Tomb Raider” is, but I can assure you I do not “have boobytraps around every inch of this building.” I mean, you searched for a bookshelf behind shelves that were clearly not against the walls. How did you think a doorway could even be behind there?

At the end of it all, you’ve left me with more questions than answers. Watching you tear down the rows of literature was heartwrenching, and seeing the mad look in your eyes as you scraped our walls clean made the patrons very concerned. Children wept as you destroyed the young adult section. And despite your many claims to the contrary, I do not think that “the mystery section is full of real mysteries.”

Now, can you please turn around for a second when I’m putting this copy of “Secret Doorways, Secret Bookshelves” back on the shelf right next to my office? It’s just a special book to me and I don’t want anything to happen to it.

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