Ross junior Matt Morne confirmed this past Sunday that he would be “totally willing” to look over his friend John’s resume if he wanted, “just because of [his] offer and everything.”
Morne, who received an entry level analyst position at Borgenheim Banking Associates in New York last week, has since celebrated with a LinkedIn post, a change to his Instagram bio, and reaching out to offer assistance to all his nearest friends.
“God, it’s such a relief to be out of the woods,” said Morne, absentmindedly flicking through the one dollar bills in his wallet. “Just to be done with recruiting and everything, the stress of it all was unbearable. I can’t wait to be able to help everyone I know have even a shred of the success that I do.”
“I don’t know, man,” remarked Morne’s roommate Lane Barnette. “Initially, when he asked, I was like ‘sure, why not?’ but then he got really into it, crossing out whole lines, putting it in a new document only he could edit, and just fully re-writing all my experiences to be flat out lies. I think it says the word ‘conducted’ like seven times.”
“You’ve definitely got a ways to go on the professional front,” answered Morne, sitting across from Barnette and marking the resume with a red pen. “But it’s so rewarding to be able to help him on his journey.”
At press time, Morne offered to start practice-interviewing his friends at the breakfast table.
