Water-Saving Toilet Instructions Going To Extreme Lengths To Avoid Using Words Pee And Poop

Instructions label for toilets with "Water Saving Dual-Function Handle"
A public opinion poll determined that Sloan would be better off just saying “piss” or “shit” like normal people.

Students using university bathroom toilets with the “Water Saving Handle” have reported that the toilet’s instructions are going to extreme lengths to avoid using the words “pee” and “poop.”

“UP for #1 (liquid waste),” read the handles, placed on toilets across the nation, “DOWN for #2 (solid waste)”.

“If they’re going to say #1, and specify liquid waste, they should just say pee,” said Mark Benson of the toilet in his Alice Lloyd dorm. “Why have two vague terms for piss and shit when you could just have one?”

“These toilets need to stop beating around the bush,” agreed customer Kendra Burns, a senior in Ford. “We all know what’s going down when we read ‘solid waste.’”

Some patrons were reportedly confused by the flowery language used on the signs, wishing that it would become simply more straightforward. “What the hell is #1?” one bewildered math major reportedly asked.

At press time, a lead engineer of the toilets was seen explaining that all of the energy saved from the water goes directly towards printing these word-intensive instruction signs.

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